Session 7: Exploring the Family of the Future through Family History

Table Manners
May 19
6 min read

Sunday, February 16, 2025

Participants: 5

Overcoming Gender Roles, Session 7

“Exploring the Family of the Future through Family History”

In the seventh meeting of our Gender Roles study group, we discussed Chapter 1, “The ‘Good Old Extended Family’ Is an Illusion—Family History,” from Naoko Yuge’s ‘An Introduction to Western Gender History: From Family History to Global History’, and exchanged our thoughts.

What Is “Family”? Although the concept of “family” may seem immutable, its form has evolved over time.

Changing Attitudes toward Marriage

“Arranged Marriages as Political Strategy”

Looking back on the history of marriage, we see that unions were often formed for purposes other than personal affection. For example, arranged marriages were used to strengthen alliances between states or families, with little regard for romantic love. One participant observed that people of the time may have regarded marriage purely as a business arrangement—an idea that resonates today, when some couples marry to boost their social-media followings or mutual business interests, much like the political marriages of old.

“Who Sanctions a Marriage?”

In the West, churches maintained registers of marriages and funerals, thereby defining family structure within a religious framework. Before the Meiji Restoration, when surnames did not yet exist in Japan, Shinto shrines kept parishioner lists and Buddhist temples kept parish rolls, using shop names, place names, or lineage to identify and record individuals—a resource some participants said they had even seen. Over time, the recognition of marriage shifted from shrines, temples, and churches to state registration. This raises the question: in the future, who will recognize and regulate partnerships?

Moreover, people today can choose not to marry at all but to formalize their relationship as a civil partnership—such as France’s PACS (enacted 1999)—or live in de facto unions, form stepfamilies, or practice polyamory. In Germany, for instance, a growing number of women choose to become single mothers without marrying because they want children but do not wish to wed.

Our discussion also questioned the origin of the Western ideal of lifelong monogamy, with some participants asking whether the harsh social condemnation of adultery is really necessary—and whether some people might simply lack feelings of jealousy altogether. It seems likely that the institution of marriage will continue to diversify.

We also expanded our lens to Japanese family history. Did Jōmon-period communities recognize mating pairs? Did they ask “Whose child is this?” or raise children collectively? While a diversity of family forms could be acceptable so long as children’s rights are protected, some voiced concerns that Japan might retrace the Western pattern of establishing foundling hospitals and abandoning children.

Changing Attitudes toward Romance

“Dating, Cohabitation, and Marriage”

Over time the concept of marriage in many societies shifted from a purely economic or political arrangement to one grounded in love. Today, romance is presumed—and premarital cohabitation is increasingly common. Once socially stigmatized, cohabitation is now viewed as a rational way for couples to test compatibility, learn each other’s habits, and reduce the risk of post-marital discord or divorce. The reframing of “shotgun weddings” as “blessing-in-disguise marriages” (dekichatta-kon → sazukari-kon) reflects this more positive attitude toward cohabitation and premarital parenthood.

“How Dating Apps Are Changing Courtship”

Many felt that the rise of dating apps has transformed the way people pursue relationships. By clarifying intentions up front—so that users don’t have to wonder “Does this person like me?”—dating apps have become mainstream: one in four singles uses them. Some services even employ AI personality assessments to match compatible partners, cutting out much of the uncertainty and emotional labor of traditional dating. One of the participants worries, however, that such platforms may reduce romance to an algorithm, bypassing the “five senses” experience of falling in love. Others pointed out that when people use apps to make friends, they tend to congregate with like-minded individuals, which can erode group diversity and stifle flexibility in larger social or organizational contexts.

Communities Beyond the Nuclear Family

We also explored forms of community that lie outside—or beside—marriage and blood ties.

Room Sharing

House-sharing isn’t just about economics; it can provide emotional support, too. Some noted that sharing a home among three or more people with defined roles may foster especially stable relationships. It’s even possible that someone might return each evening to their housemates after dating outside the household, treating the share-house as their primary “home base.”

AI and the Family

Participants speculated that AI could further expand our notion of family. AI assistants are already commonplace—many households ask Alexa to turn off the lights—and families sometimes consult AI for group decisions. Voice-cloning technology can even recreate the voices of deceased loved ones, suggesting a future in which AI “family members” help sustain emotional connections.

Large-Scale Communities

Communities formed around shared beliefs or values. For example, churches can function like families for their members, offering weekly gatherings, mutual support, and a sense of security. Some said it’s easier to start conversations without small talk when you already share core values; others noted that blood relation doesn’t guarantee closeness. It seems that people who wish to balance solitude and social connection may continue to forge “family-like” bonds within such value-based communities.

Finding the right balance in how we relate to society may give rise to community structures resembling families. The fixed idea of “what a family should be” is itself a product of history, and many participants felt—and were optimistic—that the forms families take will continue to evolve.

Children within the Family

In early 17th-century Western society, children were treated as laborers, and the family functioned primarily as an economic unit. Children were not yet viewed as beings to be “protected.”

“Wet Nurses and the Politics of Breastfeeding”

The culture of entrusting infants to wet nurses was not only a way to lighten the mother’s burden but also connected to the nutritional quality of breast milk and the mother’s social standing. In Japan, imperial women traditionally did not breastfeed their own children but relied on wet nurses. In the West, women who worked in the fields were believed to produce richer milk—perhaps due to metabolic differences. Because colostrum (first milk) is especially rich in immune factors critical for a newborn’s health, participants wondered at what point mothers handed their babies over—and whether that structure resembles today’s daycare centers.

“The Weight of a Child’s Life”

Some noted that the value placed on a child’s life has changed over time. It was once common for an infant in the care of a wet nurse to die; today, any accident that occurs when parents or caregivers look away invites severe scrutiny. We’ve entered an era in which even reprimanding or disciplining a child can feel fraught. With modern knowledge limiting caffeine or alcohol during pregnancy, we show far greater concern for the unborn child’s welfare than past generations did.

The discussion also turned to the balance of “control and freedom” in parenting. Equipping a child with a GPS tracker can give parents peace of mind—but it may also deprive the child of learning to assess their own safety. How much parents should monitor their children varies by generation, reflecting shifting social values. Raising children, it seems, is not only a parental duty but also deeply intertwined with broader changes in societal attitudes.

Conclusion

In this session, by tracing the history of the family, we exchanged views on today’s family structures and those of the future. Three key insights emerged:

1. The Changing and Diversifying Forms of Marriage

Family structures have evolved over time, and today we see a proliferation of common-law marriages, formal partnership statutes, polyamory, and more. The authority overseeing marriage has shifted from religious institutions to the state.

2. Communities beyond the Family

Beyond blood relations, there are roommate households, religious congregations, AI companions, and other communities that provide both emotional and economic support in diverse ways.

3. The Status of Children and the Evolution of Childcare

Whereas children were once viewed as economic assets, modern society emphasizes children’s rights—but also wrestles with balancing parental control and children’s autonomy.

Moving forward, family forms will continue to diversify and change. By continually asking “What is family?” and reevaluating our own fixed notions, we can help create a society that respects each person’s choice of family.

Recorded by Danshiro

References:

“First Steps in Western Gender History: From Family History to Global History.”

Written by Yuge, Naoko

Chapter 1: The Myth of the Good Old Extended Family—A History of the Family.

An accessible introduction that explores how gender has been constructed historically, offering a foundation for rethinking gender today.